crying out for help

Potty Training: Day 3 (AKA: We’ll see about that!)

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“Hey mommy!  I’m smiling at you in a super

cute way and I signed please.”

Potty1

“Can I have some Fritos?” (…still smiling…)

Potty2

“What? I have to go potty first? I mean

toilet. I forgot we were being super fancy

pantsy with more grown up with words.”

Potty3

“When this timer thingy goes off, I’m

staying put. You’ll see.”

Potty4

“Timer thingy just went dingy. Uhhh. I

wonder if mommy remembers.”

Potty5

“Uh oh! Now my talking thingy is saying

Toilet, Toilet. Mommy heard that. I’m not

seeing a way out of this.”

Potty6

“At least I get my iPad. Hey mommy.

How about some me time? Back away from

the toilet.”

Potty7

“Okay. A little bit further.”

Potty8

“That’s better.”

Potty9

“Okay. So what if I went through a few

hundred underpants today. Girls aren’t the

only ones who get to change over and over again.”

Potty10

 

 

Fooled Into School 3 Weeks Ago

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Cool? Spool? Uh….What?

Say What

 

Yeah….School. That’s what it sounded like.

That's What I though

 

No thanks! I’m kind of booked up. I’m hanging with my dog.

Hanging with My Dog

 

I’m running with sticks, but only sharp ones.

Running With SticksI

 

I’m working on my dance moves. You’d be surprised how much fine tuning they need.

Working on my dance moves

 

(Okay…..That did not work.)

Not Sure How To Get Out

 

Plan A: (smile)

 

I'll Use My Smile

 

Plan B: (intimidate)

I'll intimidate

 

Plan C: (heartfelt plea) “Mommy. You already doubled my speech each week and just about quadrupled my OT. Aren’t you worried you might be overworking my fragile self? Plus, you know I’ll miss you. School can’t give hugs like you. And….you’re so pretty, even when you aren’t.”

heartfelt speech

 

Serious?! Three days a week??!! And you’re going to work with me at home too??!! Well…..I take back that pretty part.

not working

 

THEN IT WAS THE MORNING OF THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL:

Uh…..So you slept on it and still think it’s a good idea?

serious about school

 

Mommy. My dinosaur might attack you if I’m not home to hold him back.

dinosaur no

 

(None of it worked, so I did what people nowadays seem to do to get what they want. I took my clothes off. ……. Mommy put them back on. I didn’t think that far ahead.)

took off my clothes

 

Breaking News: He got off Scott free!

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He was caught at the scene of the crime trying to flush all evidence of Scott.

Crime1

He denied all involvement, but it was clear that he was on something at the time.

Crime2

Scott was everywhere, tousled around carelessly like freshly curled hair

crime3

I’ve never seen anything like this before. Clearly there was no remorse.

crime4

But…..We took him to trial…The glove didn’t fit, so we had to acquit.

crme6

(Scott tissue will be in our prays.)

Where did I come from?

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When your child asks, what do you say?

Birth1

“You’re only talking about the bees ‘cause the bird stuff is too cute?

It’s like going potty, but not really? The hospital?”

Birth2

“You did what? And I come out of…….

STOP! STOP TALKING MOMMY!!!!!!!!”

Birth3

Well…..You LIE!!!!!

Back to School (….Where oh where did my break go?)

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Seriously?

It’s time for school again.

I thought that break thing was permanent.

Justice Back to School Jan 2014 007

Uh mommy……I really think this tire is going to be lonely if I leave.

What? You don’t care?

Just give me a minute mommy. I need time with my tire.

Justice Back to School Jan 2014 010

Dear God, up in the sky…..my mommy doesn’t understand. Please give her the brains she needs. Also…..can you make sure my tire is safe during this cold time and is not too lonely when I am being made to go to school? Maybe you could do something, like make it super cold tomorrow so school is closed and I don’t have to leave my tire again. Just think about it. I know you are busy trying to fix my brothers and sister, but if you have time……. And…..don’t forget my mommy’s brains. I heard she lost her mind. That’s the word around the house. Please help with that too. Thanks God.

AMEN……

Justice Back to School Jan 2014 011

I’m ready, but I’m not happy.

And…..Are you sure you’re taking me straight to school? My left hand is tucked into my coat again. You aren’t going to take me to the corner to get money again………are you?

Be honest mommy. I might need to pray again.

Justice Back to School Jan 2014 015

(UPDATE: Thanks for making it super cold. School is closed tomorrow.)

Sammy the Elf pays Justice a visit.

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What is that? Who is here? What do I see?

Elf1

It’s a strange little boy looking back at me.

elf3

Are those pants? Are those legs? Is it a suit?

elf4

How do you potty? How do you toot?

elf5

You frighten me with your strange lack of parts.

elf6

I can’t trust a dude who doesn’t fart.

elf7

Sammy: I’ve been thrown and I can’t get up.

elf8

I’m not leaving this tree. That kid’s too rough.

elf9

 

 

Today was not my day. (Day: 37)

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I went to school today, but that was the easy part. I mean how bad is a muffin in the morning and a turkey cheese sandwich for lunch. Not too bad. I worked on a turkey feather collage and played with cars and scooters at gym time. BUT….The time after school was the rough stuff.

First of all…..my wife came home with me. Enough said on that.

My artistic vision was lost today. I couldn’t figure out what to doodle on my doodle pad. It was sad and made me feel poopy. Oh where, oh where did my muse go?

Today1

Then I couldn’t decide what to wear, so I went to my mommy’s closet. What was I even thinking? Her clothes don’t fit me. Plus….I have better taste.

Today2

I did find this questionable high heel shoe in her closet. It looked like Minnie Mouse’s shoe on steroids. On the upside, I found something to use as a hammer.

Today3

And finally…..I was clueless about putting my pajamas on. It’s not like riding a bike. It’s not. Okay….Maybe it is. I don’t know how to do that either. Not yet.

Today5

I just want to go to bed.

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

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And that’s just what I did for the first hour or so. I guess I just wasn’t in a partying mood.

BD1

But then, there was cake. That wife of mine is eyeing what I’ve got. I’m sorry, but I’m not giving her what’s on my plate. We’re married after all, not dating.

BD3

Speaking of cake……check this out.

2013-10-23 3rd Birthday and Day After

TOP: 1st Birthday Cake –Amazing

BOTTOM LEFT: 2nd Birthday Cake – Also Amazing

BOTTOM RIGHT: This year’s birthday cake – POOPIE!

I guess three years doesn’t mean much around here. BUT….Maybe I shouldn’t let mommy and daddy hear me complain since I was the only one of us four kids who even got a party this year. That’s right. No great parent of the year awards being handed out here. Oh well. My brothers and sister seemed to be happy with some kind of paper they got. I think it’s called money. I don’t know why. I got toys.

I said “WOW” with every present I opened. I didn’t even care what was inside.

BD4

See this mess. This is my Thomas The Train set I got last night. Guess what? It still looks like this because daddy can’t figure out how to put it together. Mommy asked if he read the directions. Why would a mommy ever ask a daddy something like that?

BD5

Gotta go! I don’t know when I’ll be back up here. Mommy gets her other foot cut and stitched up tomorrow. I think she’s going to be on those pills again. They make her either drowsy-loopy mommy or mean-impatient mommy.

BE AWARE: I’ll be back!