Even Super Heroes Need A Place To Call Home

This is a story about my super heroes going from being homeless and living under a street light (..lamp) to living in a mansion.

BUT….That situation was much better than this option.

My action figures weren’t about to move into this. Well….Maybe if they get married and their wife makes them (Sorry Wonder Woman!). For now, they are single and allowed to make their own decisions. They needed a cool lair to call their own.

So…with some old Ikea storage units, wood, dad’s handyman skills and lots of mommy magic…….THIS WAS BORN!!!!!!!

It was a process. (…I supervised while playing video games.)

Let’s take a look at all the cool spaces.

My action figures told me that if they ever get married, they’re keeping this place as a secret. Hey! Secrets and Super Heroes go hand in hand. Don’t judge them!!!!

Anyway…Here’s one last look at my secret lair, in it’s secret location in my room I mean…it’s secret location in the world.

Potty Training: Day 3 (AKA: We’ll see about that!)

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“Hey mommy! I’m smiling at you in a super

cute way and I signed please.”

“Can I have some Fritos?” (…still smiling…)

“What? I have to go potty first? I mean

toilet. I forgot we were being super fancy

pantsy with more grown up with words.”

“When this timer thingy goes off, I’m

staying put. You’ll see.”

“Timer thingy just went dingy. Uhhh. I

wonder if mommy remembers.”

“Uh oh! Now my talking thingy is saying

Toilet, Toilet. Mommy heard that. I’m not

seeing a way out of this.”

“At least I get my iPad. Hey mommy.

How about some me time? Back away from

the toilet.”

“Okay. A little bit further.”

“That’s better.”

“Okay. So what if I went through a few

hundred underpants today. Girls aren’t the

only ones who get to change over and over again.”

It happened last night.

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(For those who need RED print translated: “Something so tragic happened last night …. I can’t even talk about it )

(“Uh … Who told you to take the camera off me? I’m telling a story here.”)

(“As I was saying … It’s very emotional.”)

(“It started off with Jennie and her Franks. Not these … so don’t try to find this one to do something bad like suffocate it in a blanket and call it dinner for your kid.”)

So….. I was enjoying my time with Frank and then it wasn’t fun anymore. Frank went too far and it was hard to breathe. I started to choke. Mommy tried to help me, but she just wasn’t getting the job done.

First off, don’t ever blame the kid with a disability …. for anything …. ever. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I’m innocent! Second, If anyone needs to go to save money in this house ….. it ain’t me.

It’s mommy’s fault because she makes my food at the right temperature and doesn’t give me ketchup. All those chemicals are bad for me. Boy….Was she off base? It’s like giving me matches, but not the paper.

It’s Daddy’s fault for not being home and making my lunch. He makes food so hot, I have to take a million tiny slow bites so my mouth doesn’t melt. And …. He gives me so much ketchup, it looks like a crime scene, but it makes the food slide down my throat.

But mostly it’s Daddy’s fault since Mommy always says she’s always right.

And there’s no way they’ll let me enter any hotdog eating contests. My life is over.

I’m Back!

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Did you miss me? I’ve been gone awhile. Just like with most stuff, it’s mommy’s fault. Maybe daddy’s fault too. I don’t know. It’s not mine. Do you want to hear all about my adventures? Okay….First…

Oh Shitake Mushroom…..Mommy is making me go to school. Guess you don’t get to hear my stories now. See what I mean. Not my fault!

Yo! It’s Friday

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Now let me get back to my business.

Big Game

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I got the ball.

It’s mine.

I’m going for the pass.

And it’s up.

Another sweet catch.

Touchdown!

The big game made me tired.

It’s hard being an athletic superstar.

But when you are…..

You can afford to buy big game, like elephants

…..and take naps with them.

Siegfried and Roy? Whatever!

(Regifting) Drinking and Driving: Uncool For All Ages

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Let’s see what’s happening on Facebook tonight.

It shouldn’t be hard to find a cool place to go since everyone posts

their location so burglars can rob them while they’re out.

Okay…..So my drink should fit right here.

As long as it’s in the Sippy cup, I’m good.

What the hellicoptor!

Where did those other cars come from?

I better call for help or something.

I wonder if my daddy is up?

24-hour tow my hiney!

I didn’t know I had to wait 24 hours.

I’m outta here.

Wait….This doesn’t seem right.

I’ll just “drunk-milk-dialed” my ex for the 50th time.

You’re locking me up for this?

It was skim milk! I have poor balance!

Have you met my family??

Stuffing and Stuff

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I know you missed me. I’m sorry.

We took a break for the stuffy-stuff holidays. You know….the day to stuff your face and then all the stuff that comes after you stuff your face to celebrate getting stuff. And I’m really scared of Fridays now. At least one of them. I didn’t know we had a crazy shopper day. Some traditions are really silly. Mommy and daddy kept me home safe.

Well….You didn’t miss too much.

Here I am taking a pre-nap before I eat my Thanksgiving meal. It must have helped because I was moving fire after I ate. I think mommy called it “hell on wheels”. Whatever!

Then I went outside to play with my shadow.

Then I talked to a tree.

Then I played football with my brother. I let him think he tackled me.

Moving on to some Christmas decorating. I’m helping my sister with the tree. See me making that wood garland dance? I should be a snake charmer.

Okay……Maybe I’m not exactly helping her.

Yeah….I didn’t like where she put that.

Oh my goodness. Are you seeing these powers?

Look at that throw. Look at the garland standing up in the air. I really need to go to Vegas and have my own show.

Looks like it’s back to the business of decorating. She’s so serious.

Wait! Is she judging me? I can feel her eyes on me. Clearly she’s close-minded. Garland can go vertical.

Look at that. Almost perfect.

Oh good. There’s more. I don’t want this spot to look bare.

So……Sorry if you missed me. I’m still in school. I don’t see myself dropping out yet. I still eat, drink, sleep, poop and wreak havoc on my family. But….you might not be seeing my handsome face every day or even every other day. Times are getting crazy and between you and me…I think my mommy is becoming a slacker. Seriously….She stays home….How busy can she be?

Hoops With My Homey

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So…..Here’s a little taste of what I did yesterday after speech therapy. And my therapy…….I rocked it by the way, saying all kinds of cool things like pop, bubble, ball and beep beep. I also signed the word play.

I know. I know. Don’t hate!

Well…..mommy and daddy took me to play. Here’s a nibble.

My Day On Social Media

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Okay…..Let’s see what’s going on with the internet today.

What? Mommy and her friends are trying to be cool making duck-lip selfies. Old people are crazy!

I can do better.

How you like them duck-lips?

I just laughed so hard I farted.

“Here’s a list of things you may not know about me.”…..What kind of status is that? If people wanna know things they ask. Someone’s trying too hard.