So…..Here’s a little taste of what I did yesterday after speech therapy. And my therapy…….I rocked it by the way, saying all kinds of cool things like pop, bubble, ball and beep beep. I also signed the word play.
I know. I know. Don’t hate!
Well…..mommy and daddy took me to play. Here’s a nibble.
Okay…..Let’s see what’s going on with the internet today.
What? Mommy and her friends are trying to be cool making duck-lip selfies. Old people are crazy!
I can do better.
How you like them duck-lips?
I just laughed so hard I farted.
“Here’s a list of things you may not know about me.”…..What kind of status is that? If people wanna know things they ask. Someone’s trying too hard.
Oh snap! Miley Cyrus bleached her eyebrows.
HAHAHA….. I’m gonna pee myself. I never knew a daddy ripping up newspaper was so hilarious.That baby is going bonkers.
Oh no she didn’t!
Now how do I make that smiley face thing? I just don’t understand how people make all those crazy symbols. I’m so behind with technology.
What? There’s an event I wasn’t invited to?
I see the pictures! You can’t deny it happened.
And…Why won’t you ever like my Facebook status???
I so hacked my sister’s account. This is gonna be awesome.
And…..
I’m defriending you and you and you….well…I’m blocking you.
Hmmmmm. I might have to rethink my political allegiance.
She’s fixing THAT for dinner??!! YUCK!” I don’t believe for five seconds her kids liked it like she said. Maybe the doggie did.
Day: 41: I got my school pictures today.
We don’t need all the words today. Isn’t a picture supposed to be worth a lot of them anyway? And….I’ve got three of them.
So….That’s a lot of a lot of words.
After missing time for being sick……I had to go back to school today. We had pancakes for lunch so that was pretty cool. What was even cooler…..my mommy and daddy brought me and my wife to the park.
Here I am swinging with the ball and chain. We were having a good time….at first. Then she started talking about wanting new clothes and why don’t I have a job.
I was sinking deeper and deeper into darkness. I just wanted to throw a toy at myself….over and over.
For a little bit…I thought about jumping from the swing….just to make it all stop.
Then I remembered I was a dude. And dudes don’t drop out of swings just because girls are hassling them. Dudes act crazy and find excitement.
I can’t drive…..so I decided to go fast on the slide instead.
Look at me! No hands.
Oh poopy! No one is here to catch me!
I can’t go rock climbing, but this looks easy.
Hmmm…..Not too bad.
Should my foot be on this bar or the one under it?
Shitake mushroom! Mommy! Daddy! I need a little help here.
LESSON OF THE DAY:
Be the dude that you are and don’t swing with your wife. It’s not as much fun as it might seem.
Day 38: No pictures of me for yesterday. I had to leave school early because of yuckiness. I had a fever and some other stuff that is just nobody’s business, cause a dude’s business should be private. Let’s just say it was questionable enough to make my mommy pick me up early from school.
She took me to the doctor and he said I could play the sick card and miss school today. But….He also said my liver seemed enlarged and I would need to get some blood drawn. That seemed silly to me. Why would anyone want a drawing of blood? And….Who do you call to do that?
Day 39: See how excited I am to go.
My mommy would be real big poopy head if she took a picture of me getting my blood taken. Instead she drew a quick version of my nightmare. That just makes her a little poopy head.
I’m a lot cuter than that.
After my torture, mommy and daddy took me to eat. I think it was more for them. I like french fries. Daddy is making a funny face to hide the fact his face looks funny.
I don’t trust daddy. He is trying to take some of my food.
I have to give him the stinky eye to keep him away.
Then we went to my sister’s school to watch her perform with her Spirit Squad and Drama Club.
“My nap was interrupted for this!” (I hope I used the right finger. My sign language is kinda rusty.)
I went to school today, but that was the easy part. I mean how bad is a muffin in the morning and a turkey cheese sandwich for lunch. Not too bad. I worked on a turkey feather collage and played with cars and scooters at gym time. BUT….The time after school was the rough stuff.
First of all…..my wife came home with me. Enough said on that.
My artistic vision was lost today. I couldn’t figure out what to doodle on my doodle pad. It was sad and made me feel poopy. Oh where, oh where did my muse go?
Then I couldn’t decide what to wear, so I went to my mommy’s closet. What was I even thinking? Her clothes don’t fit me. Plus….I have better taste.
I did find this questionable high heel shoe in her closet. It looked like Minnie Mouse’s shoe on steroids. On the upside, I found something to use as a hammer.
And finally…..I was clueless about putting my pajamas on. It’s not like riding a bike. It’s not. Okay….Maybe it is. I don’t know how to do that either. Not yet.
I just want to go to bed.
Last Thursday (Day 35) we played football at school.
Here I am, getting ready to kick the hiney out of this ball.
What the whatnots?!! Where’d that girl come from?
Why are girls always taking everything a guy has?
Little did she know…..I have two balls. I’ve still got this one.
Let’s try this again before she comes back.
FRIDAY IS A BLUR!
On Saturday: I taught my big brother synchronized dancing. He’s not that good.
Sunday was church.
I get to go in a room and play the whole time. I pulled the long straw with that agenda.
Check me out! I’m practicing good hygiene before we go.
When we got back I chased leaves.
I wasn’t successful, but it was fun.
This is me again, (Day 36) doing the hygiene thing.
I’m getting good, except I throw my toothbrush when I’m done.
In my defense, I’ve been playing football and it’s kinda like a touchdown using the “in your face” ball smack down.
After school, my wife came over.
I found out she’s going to be living with us for twelve hours each week. That’s seems like too much. Daddy told me that’s about as much time as most people see their wives. Sometimes more! How do dudes do it?
I’m hiding from her now. I hope she doesn’t find me.
Oh…..She found me and someone gave her the wife manual on wrestling moves.
We’re going to bed now. Separate beds of course.
I don’t need my wife all up in my face when I’m trying to rest.
I’m not a piece of meat.
DAY 33: Here I am working on my circle skills. This is not trickery courtesy of my mommy. That is my handiwork people.
No school on Tuesday cause the grownups around here had to use the schools to do something called voting. They had to go fill in someone else’s circles. Mommy and Daddy must have been embarrassed because they had to hid behind a curtain to do it. Then someone gave them a sticker when they were done. Sounds crazy to me.
I hide and do things. I don’t get stickers.
DAY 34: This was Wednesday. Today was picture day at my school. I don’t need to worry about my looks, so I decided to keep working on my circle skills.
Time for school.
Bringing my pad with me.
Oh shitake mushroom!
Who put that drop there?
It’s good.
I’m up.
I got this.
Okay. Can you put the camera down and help me down these steps? You know I can only keep my eyebrows up like this for so long.
I posted this picture about a week ago.
This is what my daddy can accomplish drug-free. Pretty impressive effort on his part.
This is what my mommy can accomplish on drugs.
(legally prescribed ones – in her name)
What a showoff!
This is one of the reasons that daddy married mommy. He won’t tell me the other reasons.
I’m glad mommy is getting better from her surgery, because I missed her.
I really missed the stuff that mommy does for me.
Oh darn! Does this mean I can’t stay up late anymore daddy?
A Dose of Justice (...courtesy of my crazy mom) 